I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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