He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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