I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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