areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
