My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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