I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
