I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
