just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
