guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
