u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
