I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
