I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
