its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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