Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
