one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
