..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
