so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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