can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I had to cum in my sink.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
