READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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