Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
