frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
