Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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