I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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