I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
