you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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