Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
