I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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