im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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