My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
