Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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