The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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