idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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