Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
