It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You can't just leave with hair like that
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
