i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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