Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
