Your face is a jimmy john
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize