My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
