dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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