saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
