Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
