Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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