just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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