You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
