I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
