I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
