what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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