You made me cry and you don't even care
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
