if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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