Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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