I seem to have left my pride at pride
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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