Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
