someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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