I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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