She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
