Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
