i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
