I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
