Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize