do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
