I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
