just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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