I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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